Wednesday, November 15th, Norn Irn..ssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh Lonely Planet guides today spilled the beans that Northern Ireland is one of THE places for true travel congnoscenti to visit. Morag is not best-pleased. I’ve been going to Norn Irn for many a long year now and has always considered it one of the earth’s finest spots. Picture Southern Ireland (without busloads of tourists from Boston) and you’ll see at least one of the advantages that’s on offer. Now where will I head to when I ‘vant to be alone……….’ ? grrrrrrrrrr
[Monday, September 26] NOW THAT’S THE LIFE : I used to have this friend in New York, well I still do actually – who is a squillionaire. No he is not American, yes he does come from a family that is ‘long in lineage – deep in cash’. He is a Proper Gent in his 70’s who has taught Morag a lot of what she knows about life, amongst which was his definition of “You know you’ve arrived when…..He says you know you’ve arrived when you no longer have to carry keys. DUH? “There will always be someone there to open the door for you”…think about it. So I greeted with deep envy the news today that for the entire last century the late Queen Mum never once, NOT ONCE had to open or close her bedroom curtains. I’m liking that. So now all I need is “no “, someone to draw the curtains and then my personal lifetime ambition – No alarm clock….EVER.
[Saturday,September 24th] CHARLIE’S EGGS : What’s all this fuss about Prince Charles wanting the perfect boiled egg. OK His People (not to be confused with My People or do You even have any people?) – anyway His People have poo-pah’d the story. No he most certainly does NOT have a series of eggs boiled until he finds the perfect one – perish the thought! Well you know what – if he does I’m with him. Nothing is more guaranteed to push Morag into the stratosphere than when she orders a boiled egg and it comes up wrong. So in case you’re reading Charlie – thank you for filling me in, now I finally know that you need to go through 6 to get to the right one. And with a bit of that Duchy Original Bacon, mmmmmmmm – where is that equerry gone to?
[Saturday,September 24th] MAD-DONNA : Since I am making a vague attempt to pas-de-deux behind a veil I won’t go into why/how I know some of the more “interesting” things I know about certain people’s past but let us just say ‘awww bless’ to Ms.Ciccone for coming so far without being exposed. She has been through more image changes than I have but it’s now getting a bit tired and we’re almost back at the beginning now. So please Guy,tell your Missus to put it away before those fingerless black lace gloves come back out again. Enough is enough is enough.
[Saturday,September 24th]NEIGHBOURS : I, Morag am a fee-paying member of the chattering classes, and it has even been determined by that infamous intelligence-measuring organisation that I am in the top 2% in Britain. But having said all that I am pleased, nay proud to say that I watch Neighbours. Everyday I take my jalopeno, raisin and tuna mayonnaise sandwich into the study and off to Ramsay Street I go. Trust me, try it for a week if you haven’t yet and I guarantee that by the end of the week your life will seem carefree, troublefree, and you won’t have to think about all those pesky things like jobs (no one has one), mortgages (everyone rents from Lou), crime (everyone is related to each other), and importantly for me – relationships – because on Ramsay Street because if you hang around long enough you’ll get your own ‘good friend’ in the blink of an eye no matter how old and ragged you’re looking.There is more wrinkly-under the duvet action in Ramsay than Cornonation Street that’s for sure………I’m saving my airmiles for a trip to Melbourne so if you look up and see a sexy old broad swigging from a hipflask behind a bush you’ll know Morag made it 🙂